A Mind Blowing Experience… Right here in Dallas.

I haven’t watched Real Housewives drama in over a week. I can’t remember the last time I was on Pinterest. I wore red skinny jeans yesterday and purple crop pants today because that is all that is clean in my house and I am exhausted. Why…?

The Final Four has been here in Dallas and I had the opportunity to completely submerge myself into any and all of its related festivities. This was a big deal for Dallas and Dallas really kicked ass and put on a hell of a show in my eyes.

 

Bracket Town Dallas
Bracket Town was held at the Kay Bailey Hutchison Convention Center next to the beautiful Omni Dallas Hotel.

 

Bracket Town Baseball
My all time favorite baseball player hung out with me at Bracket Town. He (sadly) had no interest in meeting Jason Witten with me, so he played baseball instead.

 

Jason Witten
Yes, you heard me. JASON WITTEN. Another gorgeous married man…

 

DeMarco Murray
DeMarco Murray… He looked at me, I saw his smile and I almost dropped my phone.

 

Bill Walton
This is Bill Walton. Other names that I didn’t know until this day are: Clyde Drexler, Alonzo Mourning and Mateen Cleaves. There were a few others but I already forgot them. I might can actually carry on a basketball conversation at this point…

 

Dallas Final Four skyline
Even this crappy picture shows how beautifully lit up the Dallas skyline was. Driving home to Dallas from the game in Arlington really made a local girl proud.

 

Jason Aldean. Willie (some Duck Dynasty guy). Best Friends. Perfection. 
Jason Aldean. Willie (some Duck Dynasty guy). Best Friends. Perfection.

 

Josh Abbott
Eeek. Awkward eye contact. Act cool… act cool. EEEEKKKK. Straight face. Get your shit together. Okay, go talk to him. JOSH ABBOTT. You know… from Josh Abbott Band, the best Texas Country Band EVER.

Do yourself a major favor and listen to this song of his –> She’s Like Texas. Maybe this one too –> Taste. Okay, well while you’re at it –> Oh, Tonight.

It may or may not be on my bucket list to be his back up singer one day… 

 

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Not a big Bruce Springsteen fan, but I am a major fan of this picture I took.

 

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Oh, so… they MADE me get on stage before Bruce and do the Charles Barkley bobble head. What (and Who)TF is that? Oh, a professional basketball player. Makes sense… But how do you do a bobble head dance? I only know how to shake my ass. And that’s what I did… in front of thousands of people… and got booed. But, not by Charles Barkley, if that makes any difference. He was a big fan and now so am I.

 

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I was a wet-rained on mess after the Springsteen show and being one of the only girls wearing cowboy boots means people easily recognizing you… as the girl who shook her ass in front of thousands of people. Dammit.

 

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Kid Rock is the exact bad ass we all expect and know him to be in real life.

 

Now the Final Four – the purpose of all of these events and the most mind-blowing and amazing thing I have ever experienced.

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I don’t think my brain has been so over stimulated since I was a baby in a room full of bright colors. But, now it’s time to get back to the normal grind and catch up on life and Housewives!

 

XOXO,

 

Bobble Ass Jordan

 

Conan Loves Dallas

Conan O'brien DallasUnless you’re living under a Dallas rock, or in Ft Worth, you are well aware that Conan is here in Dallas filming his late night talk show at The Majestic. I’m not a big late night talk show watcher (unless it’s Andy Cohen) but when I was presented Conan O’brien tickets, I could NOT turn them down. And I’m glad I didn’t!

Even though it’s not Dallas fashion to wear sequenced and rhinestoned tuxedo jackets and cowboy hats, Conan “repped” the city well! Baylor Hospital (AKA my place of birth), Mary Kay, Southwest Airlines and the AT&T Stadium were all made part of his shenanigans which made me super proud. He attempted somewhat of a George Strait/Garth Brooks/Alan Jackson impersonation and sang a cute country song based off of what Wikipedia says about our city. Then, you could feel a huge sense of pride in the crowd when he started bashing Houston. Suckas! The show aired last night (I’m late to the game), but you can see the clip, here.

conan singing

Now, what I’m really here for… How does he get his air to stand up so tall and have so much volume?

 

XOXO,

Jordan

 

Confession Friday: No FOMO

Thanks to social media, we now have FOMO: fear of missing out. It’s a real thing you know! 

I have been in such a funk lately but today especially. It’s rainy outside. The effing snack machine won’t take my money. I just realized I forgot to put half of my make up on. (No wonder the guys at work gave me funny looks.) The office fluorescent lights feel like they’re burning a hole through my soul. And I’m hungry! And temporarily vegan. Shit, it’s been a day.

So, what do I do when I’m having a shitty day? I look at social media profiles of people I don’t like. It’s like the opposite of FOMO; it’s better. And don’t you judge me for having people I don’t like… you do too! And boy, let me tell you… looking at those (few, of course) people’s Facebook profiles or tweets sure will put a girl in a good mood. Thank God I’m not with that guy anymore. Yeah, she’s still a bitch. He is not attractive- what was I thinking?  She clearly has issues… 

Okay, I feel better! I’m done now. Thanks guys!

 

XOXO,

Bitchy Jordan

 

“Mom, do you have a boyfriend?”

Regardless of the fact that I hardly date, I don’t believe in bringing guys (that could potentially be a boyfriend) around Carson for many reasons. I a) don’t want to give the guy the wrong impression, b) don’t want Carson to get attached and c) it just isn’t something that needs to be done in the early stages of dating (in my book, at least).

I met up with a friend last weekend, and being the hot mess that I am, I left my damn purse in his truck. With Carson in tote, I picked up my purse, said hi and we were on her way. Within 5 minutes of leaving, Carson asks, “Mom, do you have a boyfriend?” Because this is coming from a kid who currently has 5+ girlfriends, I wasn’t completely caught off guard with his cultivated question. I was more so flustered to say, “No Carson. I don’t have a boyfriend…” Hah!

I’m not sure if I’m ready to have these talks with him. He’s so nosey… and smart. Dammit.

 

XOXO,

Very Single Mom

The Mutual Friend and a Mobile App.

I blogged about my secrets to online dating last week and mentioned a new dating app coming to Dallas… Well, the launch was last night and the app, Hinge, is now available for my Dallasites!

What sets this app apart from other dating apps and websites?

I’ll start by saying this: my coworkers were exchanging stories of how they met their other halves during lunch today (while I stuffed my single face)- One coworker only knew of her now fiancé from casually passing each other in their office building but she wasn’t on the prowl for a boyfriend at the time. After a few months of bad timing and persistence from the guy, she went out with a girlfriend for drinks who happened to know the guy and invited him out too. It’s all sappy love songs and gag-worthy romance from there. The other coworker was at a party and chatted it up with what would eventually be his better half. I think he might have gotten nervous because he didn’t get her number until they met at a different party that a mutual friend was hosting a couple of weeks later. So, I guess it’s all about the mutual friends, huh?

That is just what Hinge is. It’s an app that finds matches through your mutual Facebook friends’ friends. Not only does it cut out those countless randos, but it also gets you out of those awkward moments of completely not knowing someone. Another cool feature is that when you do have a match, it suggests local meeting spots based off of each other’s specific interests. I mean, I think the guy should have to work a little harder than that but whatever!

So like I said in my previous blog post, it is time to embrace online dating! You can download the app, here.

XOXO,

Jordan

The Break to my Spring Break

Today, a week ago, I was saying bye to Carson as he wasted absolutely no time getting in his great-grandparents’ car and buckling up for his week of spring break… I am blessed to not get many “mommy breaks”, with the exception of the occasional babysitter or night at Gigi’s. (I’m literally lost without him, so when I say I am blessed, that is an understatement.) 

Of course I had big plans for this “mommy break” week. I was going to hit spin class at least 4 times, was going to attempt to do a two-a-day gym day once or twice, go on a date or two, get to the office earlier than the norm, meet girlfriends for happy hour, get a massage, all of it. These are all things you can’t do easily being a parent (single or not), SO I WAS READY TO TAKE ADVANTAGE. It’s just hard…

How did I end up spending my week? SLEEPING. When people said that you don’t sleep for 18 years when you have a child, they weren’t lying. You really don’t. I had no idea how sleep deprived I was. I honestly thought I just bought really cheap eye cream, until now. (But if you’re looking for some life-changing eye cream, try out this magical stuff.) 

And only because I am Black Irish (and have kick ass friends), I ended my “mommy break” by celebrating St. Patrick’s Day at the infamous Dallas – Lower Greenville Block Party… in the pouring rain… drinking cheap (yet effing expensive) beer. Now, back to being sleep deprived. Dammit.

XOXO,

Jo (tired) Momma

My Secrets to Online Dating, + More

photo (6) If you approached me 2 years ago (which everyone did) about online dating, I was totally against it. I thought “I’m in my twenties and trying really hard not to be desperate!” Now today, Bravo has a new hit TV show (Online Dating Rituals of the American Male), you probably know at least 3 happy couples that met online and 1 out of 4 of your friends have downloaded a dating app. Well… they say they only downloaded it. They’re lying; they’ve done more! The point is- It is time to embrace online dating! I went on my first date with an online-r last night, and it wasn’t terrible… at all! Whoop!

Now, before I go any further, let me start by saying… I am not a pro-online dater. But I am damn good at judging an online-r by its online cover. And because I am advocating online dating, I am also sharing my online dating secrets, plus more…

Your Picture. The first thing people see is not your name, let’s be honest. Finding your best picture shouldn’t be hard, but people still seem to screw it up.

  • Selfies = bad. If you have a profile full of selfies, people are going to think you don’t have any friends or you’re a douche if you’re a guy.
  • You can take a Nelfie, meaning a picture people can’t tell is a selfie.
  • Don’t hide behind a cropped picture. Post a full body pic. No, you don’t need (and don’t recommend) you have a perfect figure in order to do this. People (including you) just don’t want to be catfished or blindsided if things go beyond the internet.

Your Personality. This is like prime time to be your true self. If someone doesn’t appreciate it, who cares.

  • If you’re outdoorsy, sport that.
  • If you’re a girl’s girl, flaunt that.
  • If you’re artsy, show that.
  • If you’re desperate, hide that. Gotcha!

You can do this in your pictures, your About Me section and when you’re messaging each other. I mean, after all… you have time to think before you send each message and if they don’t get your humor, no loss for either of you.

Your Profile. Before you starting Xing, <3ing and matching, check your profile to make sure it is up to date. These dating sites are usually connected to your Facebook account, so you don’t want your secret obsession with Celine Dion advertised publicly on your profile. (Guilty)

Your Pre-judgement. Don’t jump the gun, whether it’s exchanging numbers, friending each other on Facebook or actually meeting.

Now for my top secret secret- 

There’s a really cool new dating app coming to Dallas and my readers are invited to their open bar, I mean launch party, next Thursday at Social House Uptown.

Get your tickets here: http://dallas.hinge.co/Dallasbelle Access code: 2713

I’ll see you there!

XOXO,

Jordan